Intimacy Directors and Coordinators Podcast
Where Intimacy Professionals in TV, Film, and Theatre come together to keep their finger on the pulse of the industry.
Intimacy Directors and Coordinators Podcast
One creative ally has the power
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🎙️ Podcast Show Notes Introduction
What if changing a toxic industry culture doesn’t require a movement to start with thousands of people?
What if it starts with one person willing to say something?
In this episode, we explore what it really means to speak up when something feels wrong at work. They unpack why people so often stay silent when they witness microaggressions, harmful behavior, or unsafe practices, and how the desire to be agreeable can allow toxic industry norms to continue.
But speaking up is not as simple as reacting in the moment. Effective advocacy requires self-awareness. It means understanding your own values, recognizing when you are activated, and learning how to regulate yourself so you can choose how you want to respond. Sometimes the most effective form of allyship happens immediately. Other times, it means taking a breath, gathering information, and finding the right moment to have a conversation.
How can curiosity can make difficult conversations more productive? Why do policies and procedures actually create more freedom? How can intimacy professionals use structure, communication, and community to prevent problems before they happen?
Through real stories from their careers, Marie and Amanda show how one person stepping in can create a ripple effect. A single creative ally can give others permission to speak, shift a rehearsal or production, and help create a workplace where people feel safer and more supported.
Whether you're an intimacy professional or simply someone who wants to become a better ally, this episode offers practical tools for speaking up without losing yourself in the process.
👂 What to Listen For
- Why most people stay silent when they witness a microaggression, unsafe practice, or harmful behavior at work
- How one person speaking up can create a ripple effect and give others permission to challenge toxic industry norms
- The difference between reacting from anger, panic, or judgment and practicing intentional, effective advocacy
- How to use curiosity, regulation, and self-awareness to navigate difficult conversations and build trust
- Why creating clear structures, policies, and protocols can make workplaces safer while giving people more freedom to do their best work
🔗 Important Links
- 📧 Email: info@idcprofessionals.com
- 🎓 How to Become an Intimacy Professional Free Webinar
- 🌐 Intimacy Directors and Coordinators Home Page
- 🛠️ How Aspiring Intimacy Professionals Can Build Their First Kit
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Intimacy Directors and Coordinators Podcast, where intimacy professionals come to keep their finger on the pulse of what's happening in the entertainment industry. My name is Marie Percy. I'm one of the co-founders here at IDC. And I have with me today Amanda Pulcini.
SPEAKER_00Hello. My name is Amanda Pulcini. I use she, her pronouns. I'm the director of the accelerator program. What am I the director of? The accelerator program at IDC. The accelerator program.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Uh and we've already had a really fun setup process with many hijinks. So we're coming in hot today. This should be a really fun episode for everyone.
SPEAKER_00If not just for us.
SPEAKER_01If for us, it'll be fun to record. Hopefully, it'll be fun for you all to listen, listen to. Shall I dive in? Let's dive in. Let's do it. Okay. So I want to talk today about something that I have observed in the theater world and the entertainment industry in general, which is that it is human nature. Most people will just stay quiet when they see a microaggression happen, right? Like something goes wrong. You're in rehearsal, you're on set, whatever. Something happens, somebody makes an off-color joke. Everybody's knee-jerk reaction is just to not say anything, right? And not to like step against the status quo, right? Like no one wants to be the one to disrupt what's going on, right? And so there, you might nod along, you might be laughing, you might just kind of be quiet or go with the flow, right? But but most people, when someone is like, oh, this toxic industry belief is the absolute truth, right? Like actors must suffer for their art. Ha ha ha ha. And everyone else is like, ha, yeah, right. You know, like most people don't want to stick their neck out because they're afraid they don't want to be seen as difficult. People want to be agreeable. We want to get along, right? So there's all this impulse for agreeability, and no one wants to disrupt. And so everybody stays quiet. But that's how we end up in the situation we're in in our industry, where we do have so many toxic industry norms that cause harm to people inside our industry. And what I have witnessed as an intimacy director myself and as training other intimacy professionals is that ultimately it really only takes one person who's willing to like step forward and maybe take a little social risk and say, like, hey, you know, I think maybe we could do things differently. Or like, hey, that happened, or that person said that thing and that wasn't okay. Right. And it can just take one little thing for change to start because when that one person speaks up, it's very likely that other people in the situation, in the conversation, have been thinking the same thing the whole time. And then they have the opportunity to speak up too and be like, oh yeah, I didn't, I didn't love that either. Right. And then we can actually have some open dialogue and start to get creative about finding a better way to do things. And it can start to inspire people. And so, like when one person is brave enough to make their workplace safer, everyone wins. And if you look at the viral social movements that really catapulted intimacy direction and intimacy coordination into the spotlight, like the hashtag MeToo movement and the hashtag TimesUp movement, it really shows that when one or two people, especially one or two people who have a platform, right, and have an audience, but even for people that don't, if you're willing to speak up, it gives others the courage to come forward too. And the people who come forward have this like sort of exponential effect until scales get tipped and we move from a place of having old industry norms to building new ones, which is something that we're so passionate here about IDC and training intimacy professionals and creating an industry that's better for everyone. And I just think if creative advocates across the entertainment industry are willing to take a risk and speak up, that we could totally change the culture of the entertainment industry. And we already have seen so much change so that no one has to suffer in silence anymore, right? And that's in large part, you know, an intimacy director or an intimacy coordinator is someone who is a professional advocate. But whether or not you want to do that job, it is still possible for you to disrupt harm and make change in a way that might seem really small to begin with, but can actually have huge ripple effects. Amanda, have you experienced this?
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes, absolutely. And I think I want to name two things in what you just so beautifully set up for our conversation today. I want to name two additional things that that come up, is that you had mentioned the social risk in being able to step forward, but I asked there's a professional risk instead of it. And I think it's important to name that fear of if I say something, I may not be considered for a job in next season, or I might not get hired by this director or this DP again or sorry, these producers again, or whatever it may be. And and it it can be really it can be really professionally scary as well to do that, or to to lose faith or confidence with your colleagues if you don't know how they feel. You may be the only one who feels that way in the room, right? So I just want to name that as an additional risk. And then I also want to name that, you know, one of the things that that can help us stand in the the rightness of stepping forward as a creative ally is the the remember the reminder that everyone has the right and deserves a harassment-free workplace. Yes. It's just a that is a basic period. That is just a basic human right, no matter what profession it is you're in. And for too long, because under the guise of creativity and fun and exploration, we have put up with a lot of harassment or a lot of uncomfortable situations. And listen, I'm also not saying that we can't joke around and have fun and like that there isn't a time for like funny humor, like blue, blue jokes or off-color jokes. Listen, I love that, I love that. But there is a time and a place in the professionalism of our of our career to say, great, we're stepping forward and we, and this makes me feel uncomfortable, or this is technically harassment. So can we just put a pause on that for now? And when we step outside of this place, great, like resume your personal level of of activities, right? But professionally, you deserve a harassment-free work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I just something that came up for me while you were talking is I think it's also important to name at the beginning of this conversation that while I want to inspire people, that they can make a difference, right? Like sometimes I think if you're in a toxic situation or somebody's being harassed, it can feel you, it can make you feel powerless, right? It can make you feel like, oh, there's nothing I can do. I just have to put up with this and survive it and get through it. And so part of this conversation, my hope is that we can inspire people that they can step up and say something and do something. The caveat to that is that there is definitely a skill set that allows you to do it in a way that doesn't grind the whole production to a halt, right? That there is, you know, first of all, like if something needs to be said, you should say it, and that is a good and right thing to do. But there are, there are definitely better ways to do it than others. And I think, I think that's where a lot of the fear comes in, is people think, well, no matter what I say or do, this is gonna explode in my face. And it's like, well, actually, if you have the right skill set to do it in a way that is diplomatic, it doesn't have to explode everything. It can be done in a way that actually builds trust within the team and moves things along more smoothly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think it's trusting positive intent first and foremost and the humanity of other people, right? And sometimes I've certainly crossed a line and made a joke and been like, nuts. I didn't mean to be that joke or I didn't mean to say that thing, that that kind of me feel uncomfortable, but now nobody's talking about, right? Like we we all make mistakes. So just trust, trust the humanity of the people that you're involved in and a gentle, like, hey, is it possible if we could not make those kinds of jokes and you know, until we're on our break, or you know, if we can just kind of focus on this? More often than not, people are like, oh yeah, sure. No, the the circumstances in which people are like, I'm gonna do what I want. How dare you censor my language? You can't tell me what to do. Like that that has that has rarely been my experience, particularly if if we're approaching things with a very generous spirit in that that first moment of impact. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01So I want to talk about why this is so important and why I think it was worth us doing an entire podcast on. And it kind of goes back to what I was saying when I introduced this idea. But like if everyone is nodding along and no one is saying anything, then we're all kind of the frogs in the slowly boiling water. And everybody is is boiling together. And it it does take courage to be the first person to speak up and say something. But until someone is willing to do that, nothing will change. So if you are waiting around thinking, oh, somebody else will see that this is kind of wrong, or someone else will notice that I'm upset, or someone else will surely this will be fixed elsewhere. Like this is a moment to think about what is your personal responsibility in standing by and watching something happen. And, you know, many of you who have listened to other stories I've told know that I was on the faculty at a university for over 10 years, and I definitely went on a journey there because I was 25 when I got my assistant professor and resident job. And so I was working with colleagues who were a minimum of 15 years older than me. And so I definitely went through a period of my professional career where I was watching things happen and having a lot of questions about them and being very uncomfortable with the way some of the things were happening, but hadn't found my voice or my way of speaking up or feeling like I could speak up because I was, as far as I knew, I was the only one who thought that maybe anything might be wrong. And so I kind of stood in it for a little while and thought, like, oh, maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe this is just the way it's supposed to be. And, you know, it wasn't an it's it's a long story. I'm not gonna like tell all the details of my whole life story here. But what I will say is that when I was able to reinforce for myself and confirm for myself internally, like, hey, this thing or that thing, I'm not totally okay with that. And it is worth it to me to take action to change that thing, that I was surprised by how quickly and how effectively I was able to impart change in that environment. That's not to say it wasn't a lot of hard work. It absolutely was. But I think what I learned is that, you know, if no one is willing to say something or do something, then truly nothing will change. So there was a faculty member who worked at the same university as me for the first few years that I worked there. And then this faculty member left. And in the weeks leading up to this faculty member leaving, there's a period of time they were going to another university. There was a period of time where they were like kind of gassing me up a little bit. And they're like, oh, I could get you a job at this other university and you're so talented, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, that's really, you know, cool. And so I was in this other faculty member's office a late night after rehearsal. And this faculty member made a very inappropriate comment to me. And it was very uncomfortable. It was, he definitely sexually harassed me. In that moment, I kind of laughed it off. I was like, ha ha ha ha ha ha. And then I went over into my office and like shut the door. And I was like, oh my God, I can't, what just happened? What just happened? Right. And of course, I did what everyone does, and I fawned because that's what you do when you're in the same space as someone who's being kind of a predator. So that was a really unpleasant experience. But I was also like, this faculty member is leaving. It was like weeks before they were gone. I was like, they're about to go be someone else's problem. I did talk to one other faculty member about it, and the other faculty member was like, Well, you're young and pretty, so that's bound up. That's wrong. That's not okay. So I had this, I had this extremely negative experience and just continued to just keep my mouth shut. And then maybe five years later, it was a while. I don't remember the exact time span, but the head of the acting program was retiring. And so we were doing a search to find somebody else to come be the head of the acting program. And I was not on the search committee, so I didn't know. But they've had three finalists, and one of the finalists was the same faculty member who had sexually harassed me previously. The look on Amanda's face right now, Amanda's like, cannot believe it, right? Like, so I'm sitting in this, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_00Rage.
SPEAKER_01Rage. Yeah, the rage. So I'm sitting in this is the rage that was giving me headaches and causing me to go home and vent. So I would, so I'm sitting in this faculty member, this faculty meeting, and there's a bunch of other faculty members who are excited that this previous colleague is coming back to do this interview because this is a person they know, they're excited, they want to work with him again. And I'm sitting in that faculty meeting, like every muscle in my body tensed. I'm like, fuck, this. I don't know if we're allowed to curse on this podcast or not, but I'm gonna curse. Because in that meeting, I was like, fuck, this cannot happen. No, this cannot happen. And thankfully, one of the other faculty sort of spotted that I was in some pretty intense physical distress about like what is happening. And he kinda, I like made eyes with him and he got a claw. So after the meeting, I pulled him aside and I was like, look, this guy can't come back. He sexually harassed me. We cannot hire him. And he was like, Oh, because he had no idea. Nobody had any idea. And he was like, Would you be willing to tell the dean that? And I was like, uh, yeah, if I have to, you know, because I that doesn't sound like fun. And he's like, Do you want me to go with you? And I was like, Yeah, could you? And so he he walked me to the dean's office and and talked to some people and was like, the dean needs to hear this now, you know, kind of kind of wrangled us in an immediate meeting with her. And I told her what happened. I was like, I just learned an hour ago that so-and-so is on the shortlist to get hired. Here's why we cannot hire him. And and she was very gracious. And yeah, she did ask me some questions like, well, why didn't you come forward this from with this before? And I was like, because somebody told me this is just what I should expect. Um, and then she was like, Well, that's not the university line. I want you to know that's not the university line. I was like, I know it's not. I know you have to cover your butt. But, you know, she stopped the process. She canceled his on-campus visit. Cause like I was in that faculty meeting thinking, like, okay, I don't want to see him in the hallway. How do I avoid this person while they are here doing their interview?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And and I just went into that meeting with the dean. I was like, can I just not have to see him? You know, and she was like, she was like, Yeah, we can't, you know, obviously we can't hire him. He can't come. And so she canceled his visit. He did not come. He was not a finalist for that job. And that was a very stressful, unpleasant experience. And only one small example of one of the ways in which I have had to be the person to speak up to create change in some of the environments I've been in.
SPEAKER_00But also a shout out to that other faculty member who made eyes with you and said, and clocked your discomfort to be open to the conversation and to say, let's let's go together. That's power with. So very cool.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. That was that, yeah. I don't know if it would have happened the way it did if he hadn't been there because I was not regulated. And I, that was a traumatic enough experience. And there was like compounding negative experiences in that environment, right? So, so I was I was in enough of a freeze place that I don't think I would have been able to logically access the idea that there is a reporting structure that I can go to and I can use. Right. And so being able to borrow someone else's regulation to do some of that logical thinking while I was in that dysregulated state, to then be able to say what I needed to say to the person who needed to hear it so that change could happen. Just takes it just takes one person being being brave enough to say something. And and I know for a fact that that had a significant ripple effect.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And I think that the knowing, the knowing that something feels odd, right? Or something feels off. There's a couple of tools that I want to to I'm going, I'm going off script a little bit. You're inspiring me to really. You're inspiring me. There's a couple of tools that come to mind in the knowing of something feels off as opposed to it's very easy in this work because we know of all the harm that has been done in our industry, to go in and just want to be like, you can't do this. We can't do this. This is this is wrong. I know this is wrong, right? To feel, feel that, or to that that fight, or to pawn back, as you had mentioned, and not say anything at all. And there's a couple of tools that are gonna help you know deeply of, oh, this might be a time for me to step in and say something. The first is a true deep understanding of yourself, right? And that that's never finished, right? But that artistic and personal curiosity about your identity, your values, and and who you are and what you stand for is really important to know why something feels off of center to the experience that you're having. If somebody makes a joke, why does that joke affect me? Oh, because my core value of being human first and and seeing the the goodness in people, that joke didn't resonate with that, or that joke is is whatever it may be. The second part is knowing your own regulation skills. Yes. To be able to ground yourself and regulate in the moment of the impact, a microaggression, a joke, and a word, a phrase, whatever that may be, to be able to regulate and be able to say to yourself, okay, I'm checking in. Why is that off balance? What can I do in this moment? Is it right for me to step forward in this moment to speak? Was I the person who received it? Did I see somebody else receive that microaggression? What can I do? I can, at the next break, check in with that person and say, hey, I heard this. This made me feel uncomfortable. How are you feeling about that? What do you want to happen, right? Sometimes that is a I need to take the night to think about it before I come back and we have a conversation. Action is not always in the immediacy of things, too. So regulation can kind of help ground us in a real thoughtful way of a speaking up. Allyship does not have to be immediate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And like it is not weakness or wrong to witness something and pause. Right. I think I think it can be very easy to get in the headspace of like, oh, I've witnessed something. I need to fix it right now. It needs to be fixed yesterday. Right. And and especially if it was something that wasn't directed at you personally, but something you witnessed directed at someone else, you don't ever want to be speaking for them, right? Like maybe someone else is like, actually, that was fine. It didn't bother me at all. And you're like, cool, it just bothered me. I'm not gonna advocate for you then. I'm just gonna ask that maybe people not make those kind of jokes around me, you know, so that you're you're not speaking for someone else. But yeah, and I think naming this bit about being able to regulate yourself and come from a regulated place really impacts how it is received and the effectiveness of your advocacy and your ability to step up and say something. Because if you are coming from a place of panic, fighting, judgment, right? Like it will not be received well. So, this is part of that skill set that I was talking about earlier on in the episode about the regulation skill set is part of the ability to do it in a way that builds trust. Because if I come to somebody and I'm like, huh, hey, I noticed this thing, it made me feel this way. Could we make An adjustment, someone's probably gonna respond with, like, oh yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to, right? But if I'm like, hey, you're being kind of a jerk when you blah blah blah, of course, they're gonna be like, I'm not a jerk and I reject your input. You know, there I'm obviously I'm a jerk. Obviously, I'm giving a very exaggerated version of this. But I'm trying to make a point here, okay? Roll with me, people.
SPEAKER_00I'm rolling, we're rolling, we're rolling. Well, and I think that, and maybe because I've been watching a lot of couples therapy lately. So, so shout out to Orna on couples therapy. But like when you're even in in professional relationships, when you're approaching somebody with a sense of curiosity for them as well, and the same generosity of curiosity that you gave to yourself and your own value system and regulation, the same generosity to the other person of like, can we talk a little bit about why we're this you spoke about microaggressions, but sometimes it's just the culture of like uh, we just need to move really fast and we're moving through this, this, this particular process really fast. And you're noticing that the faster we're moving, it's creating more and more tension in the room and not creating a space where people feel like they can't even speak in that moment if they feel uncomfortable or whatever it may be. If we can come with a little bit of curiosity to, hey, I'm noticing that we're moving at a really quick pace. Can you talk to me a little bit about why are we on or are we on a really big time crunch right now? When we get to this scene, can we can we pause and can we just put a little bit more time in the schedule? Is there a way that we can find another way of doing that? Because I'm noticing that we just need a little bit more capacity to process this material when we're working on this scene, right? There's so many ways of being able to approach with a sense of wanting to understand the other person, which makes people a lot more receptive to shifting cultural patterns.
SPEAKER_01Amanda, do you have a story of when you've seen this happen or when you've done it yourself? Like, can you paint the picture of like a success story where you yourself or you've witnessed somebody else speak up and it has been like the pebble in the pond that started to create ripples of change in a project or an institution?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. I was working on this project. It was a really big project, and there was some nudity involved. And I recognized pretty early on that there was not a lot of good communication happening within all the departments, right? And so we were, we were kind of being, as much as even our leaders were trying to create this like this is a consent forward space, they like there was a lot of good intent happening in the like, you know, in this the start of this, we had an intimacy director who was great, like there was a lot of really good setup in this, but still there was a lot of uh crossed wires between departments. And so when it came to trying on costumes or or trying the nudity for the first time, or wait working in tech, right? There were procedures that were not happening. Like monitors were still on, audio monitors, video monitors were still on during the tech process. I was working with new costume pieces for the first time, and creatives were still in the room, and it felt really wild. And I was one of the only people, there was another person in there who had had done some intimacy training, but you know, we were some of the only people that kind of knew, hey, this this really shouldn't happen. And our intimacy director wasn't getting filled in about we're about to start this process, and and like they were not being communicated to, right? And they were trying to advocate, but didn't know what was happening in the in the scenes. So finally I kind of I stopped the rehearsal, and it was me who was who was doing the most amount of disrobing. I kind of stopped the process and was like, we need like let's just pause. I need to work at one thing at a time. The first thing is that these monitors cannot be on. This can't, I don't know if you all know that this is happening. And once people knew, yeah, we're like, ah, shoot, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm I'm sorry this happened. There was a lot of like, ah, we just didn't know because there wasn't a lot of communication. But I really did have to stop the room and inform the other people who were doing this with me, like, hey, you don't, this is not the standard that you need to accept, right? This is we have an awesome intimacy director who wants to hold this space for us. So let's just help fill them in. Yeah. You know? And then eventually we got to to a much better place. But leading up to it, it it it created more of a frustrating process than than necessary because there was such a lack of communication, which was really sad because we had all the right advocates in the room. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And and I think what's so interesting about that story is exactly what you just said is you had all the right people in the room and still with the best of intentions. Things were just the snowball was rolling down the hill and it was just picking stuff up as it went along and rolling over people and concern, you know, concerns without any awareness of it. And it it can be just so easy to go with the flow. And and I want to point out to our listeners that Amanda is a person who has a lot of training and a lot of experience and a lot of skill in this area, and so was able to, you know, like take it upon herself to advocate for herself. And and for those of you who've never like tried to advocate for yourself or someone else before, I just I just want to highlight that it is easier to advocate for somebody else than it is to advocate for yourself. It is always easier to be like, hey, this other person is having this problem. Could you make this change than to be like, hey, I am having this problem with the thing that you are doing. Can you please make that change? You know, it becomes more immediate. And so, so there was a lot that went into that process for you to be able to do that smoothly. Because I think if you didn't have all those skills, it could have also been uh some of those worst fears that people have could have come true. Right? About oh, like, oh, Amanda's being a diva because she doesn't want to do blah, blah, blah. Right. So, so uh again, these are just these are skill sets that are worth investing the time and energy to build so that you can be the person to speak up, so that you can literally change the course of an entire production.
SPEAKER_00I'll say on the other side, you know, I do want to give on the other side when I had done a show where I was just in my underwear, I remember an artistic, and this was a at a time where there was no there was no talk about consent forward work. There was no intimacy. Back in the day. Way back in the day. Oh my god. She puts on more retinol and she's fine. You know, a person on the team made a comment about my body that was rather disparaging. And I held it in and I held it in and I held it in, and I and I, it hurt me. I didn't know what to do with that that those feelings. I didn't know how to talk about that. And it came out for me later, actually, maybe even two shows down the line with this team member, because we were doing a whole summer stock. I reacted in a way that I don't want to react. I lost my temper. We got into a fight, like we because this was part and parcel of this continued pattern of behavior that he may or may not have been aware of, right? But I hadn't said something in the moment. And so it led to me acting in a way and responding in a way that I wasn't very proud of, right? And I'm not taking full blame for this, right? This person should not have made those comments. And at the same time, you know, I say this as like an opposite of the if you sit on it, yeah, it can build up in a resentment and then create a space where we can't move forward with the same kind of creativity and freedom and trust that you had had mentioned in the beginning.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I have sat in that mire myself for so many years, right? Because when I was mentioning earlier about you know being the 25-year-old faculty member with with the much older, more seasoned faculty members, I sat in some stuff for a long time. And it is bad for you, people. It is not good for you. I would like, I would, you know, I would sit in the faculty meeting and be listening to things and be like, oh, this is they just you know, because I was I was uh much closer in age to the students than I was to the faculty members. So sometimes I had a better perspective on why students were doing such certain things or why they were behaving in certain ways. I was like, I get why they're doing that. And then, you know, at the same time, I also was like, I understand why the faculty are doing what they're doing because I am also in this situation where I'm trying to make this program work and and you know, help these students to grow. And but I would sit in in faculty meetings and I would like bottle it up and I would leave faculty meetings with headaches because I was so tense. And then I would go home and I would spend like an hour ranting to my partner. I would just be like, and then so-and-so said this. And can you believe this? This is so ridiculous, you know, like I, you know, it like it becomes really toxic. And so it it became a really important part of my ability to be a healthy human being and working in the entertainment industry that that I gained this skill set and that I was was able to do this. Yeah, because it the consequences of not are simply not worth it.
SPEAKER_00No, not sustainable for you or for the people that you're working with.
SPEAKER_01All right. We've been we've been going on about this for a while, and I feel like we could continue to go on about it for another hour if we wanted to, but we're not gonna, because you have other things to do on your day today, and and I want to leave you with something that is that is digestible and doable, you know, and I think we've spoken a lot about this being a complicated skill set that takes time and mastery, but it also being a thing that is absolutely essential to invest in, um, especially if you want to become an intimacy professional, but even for other people working in the entertainment industry, I think it's it's so important for all of us to continue to build the healthy, happy work environments that we all want to live in. So, Amanda, do you have any tips and tricks for our intimacy professionals around all this?
SPEAKER_00You know I have tips and tricks. I got tips and tricks coming out of my ears. Let's go. Yeah, I think it's specifically talking in the lens of intimacy professionals. I know that we've we've opened this up to uh actors and other creatives, but let's focus in on intimacy professionals. Here's just a couple of thoughts about how to maybe curve some of this miscommunication and some of this behavior before it gets there, right? The first thing is being asked to be on that distro list if you're an intimacy coordinator or the the rehearsal reports if you're an intimacy director. Just be in communication about all the things that are happening, be in the know as much as possible. That way, as you're reading things, as you know what's going on, you can kind of get a sense the distro list is gonna be a little bit different, but at least you're gonna be, you know, in the know of we have this production meeting coming up, and we're gonna be talking about this scene that has this. When when you know what decisions are gonna be made and how that affects your work, that that helps you kind of set up the culture of how you're going to approach it, right? For you, it's it's it's the next step is clearly defining all those policies and procedures. Why do we set up community guidelines before we start a rehearsal? Why do we set up closed-set pro policies and procedures before we do scenes with nudity or simulated sex? All of that is to maintain a professional and respectful workplace and have something to go back to when things, if things do go awry, as we're humans and we're human, we can go back to those policies and procedures or community guidelines to say, like, hey, these are the things that we agreed upon in going, going into this process together for the safety and well-being and the basic human rights of a harassment-free workplace, right? And then finally, checking in with your actors as as you're in flow in the room. And I say do this judiciously, right? A lot of this is is really centered in that regulation of can I hold space without holding tightly to the space or the feelings or the thoughts, right? Do I hold enough space to allow people? And I'm kind of holding with like a very gentle fist, right? Like a butterfly can be in your palm of your hand. Can I hold the space just enough so that these actors can butterfly and do their thing and the crew can have a fun and enjoyable workspace without allowing the butterfly to fly too far away. And it feels like anything goes, right? Continuous check-ins and seeing, like, how are we doing? How's how are we flowing? You know, maybe sometimes those those off-color jokes are agreed upon that that is okay for this workspace. And we are A-OK. We've had a conversation around it. We're great. Alicia mentioned it one of the last podcasts that we did, right? Like you have to be adaptable to the places and the people that you're working with and understand what their work environment needs to be in order to for them to thrive, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And this is why the first two phases of our accelerator program are structured the way they are. So the first phase of our accelerator program is about the artistic identity work. So it is the soft skills, the human skills, the consent, the listening, the advocacy, that being able to bring that, being able to bring that regulated presence to the room that allows you to modulate how tightly or how gently you are holding a process, you know, that is its own bucket of mastery that takes years of work to get really good at. And then our phase two is about protocols. It's about the rules and the structures, right? And the this the ways in which you can build structure as an intimacy professional that then creates freedom inside of the project for everyone. And and having the balance of those two things and being able to integrate those two things then becomes becomes the next part of your journey, right? Because you can be like, okay, I know the rules and I'm good at listening to people, but what happens when the rules get broken and the listening is breaking down and I am getting dysregulated, right? And all those pieces and parts start stop working together. You know, and I would say if you are not an intimacy professional and you're listening to this, if I had one big takeaway for you, it would just be to listen to your gut. If there is something inside you that is stirring, that is saying, this doesn't feel right, I am angry, I feel hurt, I am sad, I am dreading going to work, I am, you know, if you are having a negative experience that is pervasive and that is going beyond your work experience, listen to those signs. That is a sign that there is probably something wrong and that maybe there is something you can do about it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Such great, such great advice to go out on, Marie. I really appreciate that.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for listening, everybody. I want you to remember one creative ally has the power to change a toxic theater or film work environment. I will die on that hill. If you think I'm wrong, come at us. Send us an email, info at idcprofessionals.com, send us a DM. If you're like, no, Marie, I can't make a difference. It'll never happen. You know, let's let's have an argument about it. That's fine too. Um, or if, or if you listen to this and you're like, oh my God, I finally feel validated. Or like, you know, if this is resonating for you in a way that you're like, oh, maybe there is hope at the end of this tunnel that I'm in. You know, I'm sending you all the love and empathy. And please reach out to us. Let us know. Let us know what you're thinking. Don't forget to like, subscribe. You know, we want to hear from y'all. Otherwise, it's just us talking to ourselves and we want to be in conversation with you all. So thank you so much for listening today. And we'll see you next time on the IDC podcast.